The price of freedom

Since I was young, my mother tried to prepare me to become an adult by repeating me that we don’t always do what we want in life. I’ve never liked this idea and I have a hard head so I tried (and still try) to prove her wrong. Life is too short to have regrets so I decided to always do what I want, when I want, where I want and with whom I want (if they want it too). To sum up in 3 words: to be free.
In fact, and it’s not to particularly praise myself, I’m one of the freest persons I know. Some people envy me, some think that I’m crazy but only a few understand my way of life. Even if this way of life is more and more common

In my 30’s and I still share a flat with friends, I don’t have children and I don’t have a permanent job. But I feel free, especially to travel, my biggest passion in life. This passion led me to find a job in the hospitality industry and to live abroad with my boyfriend, that I converted to this lifestyle.
But this freedom has a price: we live far from our family and some of our friends.
We’re not meant to live with our parents or friends our whole life but it’s always hard for me to leave them behind. I always feel a pinching in my heart, sometimes I even cry. And if it’s hard for me, I guess that it’s hard for them too, maybe even harder as they haven’t chosen to let me go. Over the years, I developed a technique for a smoother goodbye: I do it quickly, as if we were going to meet again the day after or the week after.

But today, I also had to leave my boyfriend behind. And this was harder as he’s the one I’m sharing my life with. Indeed, a few months ago, I was offered a position on a cruise boat for 6 months.
I have the chance to have a very supportive boyfriend who encouraged me to fulfill my dream and accept the position. It has always been a dream of mine to work on a cruise boat.
And we both know that we can’t be happy together if we’re not happy as a person. I let him go for a year a few years ago. And it was much more difficult the first time for 2 reasons: first, I was the one left behind, and second, I was a bit jealous. But his soul is much better than mine and he’s truly happy for me.
So today, he went to Paddington Station with me. I could feel some tears coming but I tried to hold them. I was in a hurry as the train was leaving 3 minutes later and the next 30 minutes later. There is normally a train every 15 minutes, and if it would have been the case, I would have wait for the next one but I could take the risk to lose 30 minutes.
I was half running to find an empty seat. I finally found one and my boyfriend put my suitcase in the train. I couldn’t hold my tears any longer. We kissed and then he had to leave as the doors were closing. It was an express goodbye! I waived at him crying and he waived at me smiling. Not because he was happy to get rid of me but because he didn’t want to make it harder for me.It reminded me when I had to leave my father when I was a child. I’m so thankful that they never cried too or it would have been much more difficult.

I’m not worried to leave for 6 months. We are a solid couple, made for each other.
But life is short and we never know what can happen tomorrow so the most important is to be peace with our own decisions.

I’m a traveller, I will always be, which mean that there will be plenty of goodbyes in the future. But thank God, also plenty of Welcome back!

the price of freedom

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1 Comment

  • Reply Barbie November 19, 2016 at 1:16 am

    Jens, Det sker heldigvis meget sjÃtdlen¦, at de dør. Oftest falder de til jorden og sidder og er groggy et langt stykke tid, hvorefter de kan flyve igen. Jeg sidder imens og er vÃ¥gekone, hvis en kat skulle komme forbi :)

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